Pulse

Penni waited by the corner of Fifth and Devereux.  Cars and people alternating in halts and rushes, every one going somewhere, some by choice, some by channel, some just by inertia.  She was so hungry it hurt, but there was no point in begging, no one would hear.  Or almost no one, anyway.  She'd just have to wait until the right person came by.

She hadn't yet figured out what made a person right.  It wasn't kindness...she'd tried walking all day once next to a nun.  Not some poser-nun either, but a genuinely good person who tried to brighten everyone she met.  Except Penni, that is.  But then, she hadn't really "met" her, had she?

Nor was it physical.  Young, old, boy, girl, half the colors of the human rainbow...she'd had luck with people who might've been mistaken for her sister, and also with people who couldn't have been more different.  At first she'd thought crazy people might be better, but she'd had no more syncs with them than anyone else, and like zero successful conversations.  And none at all among the few "psychics" she'd tried.  Nor her own family, but of course there were less of them to try.  She'd ended up walking back to the city, to be near as many people as possible.

But even if what made for a sync wasn't physical, it certainly felt physical.  When the right person was close, her blood thrummed in her veins, she could feel it in her neck, in her feet, in her head, even in her fingertips.  Especially in her fingertips...otherwise so disused, it made it miraculous to feel anything.

She felt it now, and looked closer at the people around her.  She prayed it wouldn't be someone in a car again, ready to dash away with the next surge of traffic when the light changed.  This time she was lucky.  It was a boy, maybe a couple years older than her.  He ran his fingers over his close-cut dark hair, tapping his foot along to some unheard melody, staring at nothing in particular.

Penni moved next to him and forced herself to breathe evenly, balance evenly on her bare feet against the warm sidewalk.  She closed her eyes to shut out everything else, but she could almost see him anyway, the feel of him bouncing off every part of her body.  She focused on her fingertips, throbbing as if the skin was a prison wall that her blood was hammering against, howling to escape an unjust incarceration.  Penni edged her hand closer and closer to the boy's palm, hanging relaxed next to his jeans pocket.

Her stomach hurt and her hand hurt and she needed this one to work no matter what, but still she waited, patience and knowledge earned through dozens of failures.  Waited.  Waited.

There.

She felt an echo of her own pulse in his hand, not quite in time yet but growing ever closer with each beat.  She opened her eyes, eyeing the traffic signals warily.  If he started walking, it'd be hopeless to keep her fingers the right distance from his.  The walk timer on the signal for the opposite street was counting down.  Five...four...three...

Penni felt her heartbeat move into perfect rhythm with the boy's.  "Sync", she called it, lacking a more official term.  No one she'd successfully spoken to knew a better one.  But it was the only thing that was keeping her alive.  Assuming she was still alive...but she sure didn't seem dead, either.

She touched his hand.

The boy, as most people tend to when presented with an unexpected touch, instinctively tried to move away, but Penni gripped his hand as hard as she dared.

"Please don't...just let me hold your hand while I explain, okay?"  He stared at her, some expression of indignation or surprise dying on his lips.  This was a horrible way to meet people...it probably would never work at all if the sync wasn't two-way.  But she could see his blue eyes softening as he was sucker-punched by a burst of acute empathy.  He'd be feeling her hunger, her isolation, the same way she was feeling his general health and contentedness, spiked with confusion.

"What...I mean...you a'ight, girl?"  His voice was low and easy, he was used to talking.

"I'm really, really not.  I haven't eaten in like five days, and I'd be super grateful if you'd help me out?"  She wouldn't have believed her if their positions had been reversed, but the sync took some of the gamble out of trust...he would just know she was telling the truth.

"Shit, sure, yeah...come on, we can get somethin' in you."  He drew her back along Fifth, towards the restaurants, eyeing her curiously.  "Somebody creepin' on you, you runnin'?"  Penni gave a short laugh with an edge to it, bitterness mixing with her relief.

"No...other way around, really.  Feels like everyone's running from me, and I'm creeping on them."  The boy's confusion deepened, and he started to pull away again.  "Stop, no...not like that.  Look, I don't want to freak you out, let's do this first, okay?  I'm Penni.  What's your name?"  He frowned at her, clearly still trying to make sense of the odd things he was feeling.

"Cole."

"Okay, Cole.  I really do need your help, and I'm not looking to mess with you or get anything from you that you don't want to give.  Am I telling the truth?"  Cole stared into her eyes for a second, then nodded slowly.

"Yeah.  Don't know why I'm so sho', but yeah."

"Ok.  Something happened to me a few weeks ago, I don't know what.  But I don't seem to be really...here anymore."  The boy gave her a pitying look.

"Sounds like you took the wrong pills at the wrong club, girl..."  Penni sighed and shook her head.

"I wish.  Ok...try not to freak out, and especially, don't let go of my hand, okay?"  She waited a beat for that to sink in, then took a sideways step away from him, still holding his hand but raising her free arm to almost entirely block the sidewalk.

Almost immediately, a few pedestrians, including a guy walking a dog, all passed straight through her arm and body without apparent difficulty or notice.

Penni quickly stepped back beside Cole, searching the sync and his face for any hint that he was about to run or freak out or anything that might give him enough motivation to pull his hand out of her grasp.  But he seemed ok with it.  Surprised, sure, but weirdly ok.

"Sorry, girl.  Pretty sho' you a ghost," he pronounced, gravely.

"Um, no.  I didn't die.  I'm hungry.  Whatever I am, it's not a ghost."  Cole shook his head in knowing sympathy.

"That's some straight up ghost-denial right there...you don't really need food, you just think you do.   You just got to go into the light or find some chick to whisper to you or whateva."  Penni closed her eyes and began to count slowly to ten, but she only got to four before he spoke again, interrupting.  "Don't be getting all uppity with me, girl, a'ight?  I'm just tryin' to help."

"I'm not uppity, I'm..." She sighed.  The sync could be inconvenient, too.  "Ok, look.  Ghosts can't eat, right?  Please just try it my way first, and if it doesn't work, I'll try whatever you want instead."  The boy considered this for a moment, then shrugged and nodded.

"So...what's the last thing you rememba?" he asked, as they continued walking.

"Before it all started, you mean?  I was taking a cab downtown after school to do some shopping...I blacked out or something and when I woke up I was lying in the street and I was like this."

"And there wasn't no car wreck around?"  Penni's mouth twisted, but she carefully controlled her tone.

"No.  I checked.  I mean, I went back and checked...at first I was just freaking out because cars and people were going through me and no one could see me, you know?"

"You can just go th'oo anything, walls and all?"

"No...only things that don't really stay in the same place?  Like people, obviously, and cars, and food.  I can drink from the lake in the park, thank God, which is gross but it's the only reason I haven't died of thirst."  Cole looked a bit skeptical at this last, but didn't object.  "Doors for busy places like shops and stuff I can go through, I guess because they're open a lot of the time.  But walls and doors to houses and stuff are just as solid as ever."

"What about this?" he asked, raising their joined hands for a moment.  "I got to admit, you don't feel cold or nothin'.  How's that work?"

"I wish I knew.  The first time I noticed it, I was so desperate...I just had this feeling that I could touch someone, a guy playing chess in the park, or waiting to anyway, he was by himself...he kinda reminded me of my grandpa.  I just started...I don't know, pretending like I was holding his hand?  But all of a sudden it was like our hearts were beating at exactly the same time, and then I was holding his hand and he could see me.  I was so relieved and started babbling at him, I thought I was fixed.  But I let go of his hand, and it was gone.  It had only lasted a few seconds.  I followed him around, but he never said anything to anyone about it and I could never get it to work again...I guess he just thought he imagined it."  Cole chuckled.

"Dude probably thought he saw an angel or somethin'...white dress, gold hai'...you pretty enough fo' it."  Penni looked at him sharply to see if he was teasing her, but the sync said it was the simple truth.  She flushed a bit.

"Thanks," she murmured.  After a moment of awkward silence, she continued.  "Anyway, I figured out it only ever works once with the same person, which is why I need to keep holding your hand...I won't be able to get it back.  And it doesn't seem to work with most people at all, I don't know why."

"That's messed up," remarked Cole, and Penni felt his genuine sympathy.  "This place work fo' you?" he asked, stopping.  They'd arrived in front of a small diner.  Penni nodded.

"Just keep in mind, no one else can see me or hear me, so if you don't want people to think you're crazy..."

"I get you."  He pulled the door open and extended his other hand to let Penni enter first, then followed her inside.

"One?" asked the waitress at the register by the door.  She was giving Cole a weird look that Penni would've been insulted to be on the receiving end of, but he didn't seem to notice.  Except through the sync she could feel a sort of low ache, like the emotional equivalent of an old knee injury that still hurt whenever it rained.

"Yeah," he said simply.  She took out a menu and began leading him towards a small two-person table.

"Booth," Penni hissed urgently.  "I can't sit in the chairs!"

"Oh, hey, can I get that booth there," Cole asked, pointing with his free hand.  The waitress paused, and was clearly debating it.

"It's for groups," she said.

"Come on, it's three-thirty, ain't no big three-thirty rush comin', is there?" he cajoled, smiling.

"You gonna get more than water and soup?" she asked.  Again came low ache through the sync, but Cole laughed lightly.

"You know I am...everybody says I got the appetite of a dude twice my size!  O' at least a dude my size plus a skinny white girl."  He laughed again and the waitress looked at him bizarrely, but took him to the booth.  They sat down on opposite sides, their joined hands stretched across the table.

"Whaddya want to drink?"

"Water.  And a large orange juice?" Penni whispered.

"Two wata's and two large o'ange juice, thanks," Cole said to the waitress, who walked off, shaking her head.  "So, what you want to try?"  Penni hesitated.

"Um.  How much do you...are you willing to spend on me?"  Cole chuckled.

"I ain't gonna make it rain in here, but I got you, girl.  Just don't be lookin' fo' no prime rib o' nothin'.  And why you whisperin' if no one else can hear you?"

"Oh.  Um...I dunno.  It just feels weird not to?"  Cole shrugged, then turned the menu sideways so they could both read it.  "Need protein...and I don't want to make you spoon-feed me..." Penni muttered to herself.

"What's that, now?" asked Cole.

"You can hand me stuff and I'll be able to hold it, but I've only got the one hand...so anything that needs silverware to eat, you'd need to give it to me a mouthful at a time...it'd just go through if I'm not holding all of it at once.  A sandwich cut in half has worked best so far.  Maybe two?  I'm so hungry, but I don't know how much I can actually force down."

The waitress came back and set three glasses on the table, one water and two juice.  Cole looked at the glasses and cocked his head at her.

"I'll give ya a refill on the water when you need it, 'kay?  You know what else you want?"  The boy glanced at Penni, who hurriedly ran her eyes over the menu again.

"Turkey club?" she quickly suggested.  Cole nodded.

"Imma need two turkey clubs, and some chicken fingers, yeah?"  The waitress shook her head, but jotted down the order.

"Anything else?"

"Nah, we good, thanks."  The woman gave Cole another odd look, and left.

"Can you...pass me one of the juices?" Penni asked.  Cole handed the glass to her, their fingers brushing slightly.  She tipped it up and began to gulp down the juice greedily, not stopping until it was empty.  Compared to lake water, it was like drinking pure sunshine, sharp tingles spreading out from her tongue and throat.  Her companion nodded thoughtfully.

"Point fo' you, I guess, 'less that juice is all ova yo' seat now?"  He bent down to peer under the table, and Penni hastily pushed her dress down, clamping her legs together.  "Woah, relax girl...I ain't tryin' to see nothin' but o'ange juice, yeah?"  The girl flushed in embarrassment as she felt the sync confirm it.

"Sorry, I'm just...not everyone I've managed to sync with has been so...decent.  And I don't...uh...have anything on under my dress."  Cole leaned back a bit, his eyes widening.  "I lost them," Penni clarified quickly.  "After the first few days I was starting to smell...I could just swim in the lake to rinse off, but I figured I had to take things off to dry properly, and I thought I'd be able to pick them up after, but I couldn't.  I lost my shoes then too." Penni's cheeks were quite red, but her expression was more irritated than anything else.

"I noticed the shoes befo', didn't wanna say, figgad it was a ghost thing.  So...you eva try going to the ER?  O', I don't know, scientists o' somethin'?" Cole asked, heroically changing the subject.

"Yeah, sort of.  It doesn't work...people still can't see anything I do.  It just seems to them like the person I'm with is doing it, or they just can't notice it at all.  They just thought she was crazy.  I wrote a couple letters to my parents, though.  They thought I'd been kidnapped or something at first, so at least they know I'm still alive?  But I didn't know what to say, I just made up some stuff about finding myself or whatever."

"So...what's yo' plan, then?"

"Plan?" Penni asked, blankly.

"Even if you ain't dead, this ain't no kinda life, girl...you got to get some plan togetha, you know?"

"I don't know what else to do other than what I've been doing.  I'm so hungry all the time, it's hard to think much past that.  I guess I'm hoping it'll just go away one day as suddenly as it started."

"I know 'lotta people like that, don't work out for them neither."

The waitress showed up with the food.  She set it down, then left with the empty juice glass, looking at Cole as she walked away.  Cole nudged one of the plates over to Penni's side of the table.

"I need you to actually hand it to me," she corrected, and eagerly took the half-sandwich as he offered it.  "I think she heard you talking, too," Penni added.  She took a huge bite off the corner and chewed heartily.  Cole shrugged.

"This chick thinkin' I'm crazy don't do me no harm.  If she calls the cops before I pay, it's probably outta her check, too.  We good."  After another bite and swallow, Penni nodded.

"Really, thank you so much.  Maybe I can get my parents to mail me cash somewhere, or drop it off or something?  I feel bad about never being able to pay anyone back."

"Maybe.  Hey...when people give you stuff, you gotta hold it in your hand?  Or can you, like, stow it?"

"I'm not sure.  No pockets.  It'd be great to be able to carry more than one meal worth of food..."  Cole took a napkin from the dispenser and held it out to her.

"Here...try stowing this someplace."  Penni took it, thought for a moment, then stuffed it down the front of her dress, leaving a bit sticking out.  She gingerly released it, and it showed no signs of falling through her.

"Okay...that's interesting, but I don't know how much food I can really carry in my bra..." Cole laughed.

"Think outside yo box, girl.  We can pick you up a backpack, maybe a thermos, some spare clothes..."

"I guess as long as I always kept it over at least one shoulder...oh my God!  You're brilliant!  Why didn't I think of this sooner?"

"Like you said, girl, thinkin' about food's hard enough."  Penni had already finished the first half-sandwich, and he handed her the next, smiling.